Today my mom was an asshole . . . Rantings of a Six Year old

Humor is a must if you are going to get through parenthood. When your daughter has one of those tough days, you need to think of the world through her eyes and find the humor. Funny parenting means being able to laugh at yourself, even when your kids think you are the least funny mom in the world!

Ok people Fofo here** Now you all may think my mom is a saint with her homeschooling and blogging and other “work” that she does. But let me tell you this woman is no saint. In fact, she is a bit of an asshole.

Today my mom was an asshole for not letting me pack my brand new, sparkly blue rain boots in my bag for my visit to Grandma’s house. I mean, we leave in a month. I don’t want to forget!

Today my mom was an asshole for telling me not to snare the cats in my homemade trap.

Today my mom was an asshole for not letting me wear my Hello Kitty skirt that is 4 sizes too small and makes me look like a “street-walker.” I don’t even walk on the street. We use the sidewalk.

Today my mom was an asshole because she didn’t make me any cookies or muffins. Just dumb old spicy bread.

Today my mom was an asshole because we didn’t go for a bike ride when I WANTED TO! Who cares if you were in the bathroom. I wanted to go!

Today my mom was an asshole for letting my sister kick me in the head. I punched her first on accident!!

Today my mom was an asshole because she wouldn’t make my lunch at 9:52. I was hungry! And how dare she offer me an apple or banana as a snack instead.

Today my mom was an asshole because my sister’s skirt was longer than mine! It’s not fair!!

Today my mom was an asshole for making me clean up all my toys after I told her I didn’t want any help. I was kidding. I thought my mom was smart.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my mom. She just gets in these moods where she doesn’t want to give me exactly what I need at the exact moment I need them. I don’t know about you, but I blame the moon. It happens about once a month.

**Disclaimer**Fofo did not write this (of course) but some days you have to laugh to keep from crying. And she doesn’t call me an asshole. Yet.

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16 thoughts on “Today my mom was an asshole . . . Rantings of a Six Year old

  1. Thanks for the great chuckle!!!! We’ve all had those kinds of days!! Being a mama can be the toughest job on earth for sure!!!!! I don’t think our kids will every truly understand and respect us until they’re parents themselves. : )

    ~ Wendy

    • Amen to that!! I was a pretty well behaved little kid so my mom hasn’t been able to use the phrase “You used to do the same thing!” Thanks for reading 🙂

  2. Ha! Too funny. You Fofo sounds like my Big G – she thinks EVERYTHING I do is unfair. Lately she wants a Golden Retriever puppy. No way! I told her when she grows up and has her own house she can get a dog but when our dog dies… there will be no more dogs in the house. Her response? “When can I move out?” LOL

    Loved the laughs here. You have a child who wants lunch at 9:45 as well?!

    Thanks for sharing.

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    xoxo

    • I’m so glad I am not alone!! Fofo was doing much better this weekend. She is always happier when Papa is home. My youngest was a crying, whiny, mess all weekend. I don’t think it was my fault. I think anyway! Thanks for reading 🙂

  3. Oh that made me chuckle – this evening there were tears in our house because one of my daughters decided she needed a Sleeping Beauty vest to wear under her pyjamas and unfortunately we don’t own any!!

    • I know this feeling all too well. Today I was told “I can’t calm down when Lilly is around, BECAUSE SHE IS ALWAYS AROUND!!” What do I say to that?! I am glad we aren’t alone. Thanks for reading!!

  4. I am dying of laughter. I swear that is what they are saying to themselves at that very moment! Isn’t it fun though to sometimes be the asshole mom on purpose, just cause? I have to say, I secretly enjoy it from time to time and now when I ask my youngest to do something she tells me, “you just had kids so we can do your work” HAHAHAHA yep…now empty the dishwasher! 😛 {#momtimethurs link up}

    • Haha! I’m an ass in general so I don’t have to do it on purpose 😉 But yes, the best part of your kids getting older is you can lighten your work load!! Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  5. Haha, this is cute! If my daughter could talk, she would tell you: “My mom is an asshole because she doesn’t give me my food the second she puts in on my plate. So what if I might choke on it if she doesn’t cut it up into tiny bite-sized morsels, I want to eat RIGHT THIS SECOND!”

    • Too funny!! Now my kids are older, I’m an ass for not cutting it up EXACTLY how they want it. Quesadillas are to be cut in 12 pieces ya know 😉 Thanks for stopping by!!

  6. Hahaha I love this. I feel like I could write “Today my mom is an asshole…” lists for my girls everyday. Already this morning… “Today my mom is an asshole because she wouldn’t let me wear my winter coat to school even though it is supposed to be in the 70’s today. Doesn’t she know I get colder than the rest of children my age? So what if I soak in sweat on the playground…”
    Thanks for linking up with us at Mommy Needs a Timeout Thursday. See you again this week. Party starts Wednesday at 8pm EST.
    Lauren,
    Twin Tested, Pin Approved

    • I could do this everyday too: no fashion show, no bike ride, or tree climbing. Sorry child, it’s raining. Sigh. Thanks so much for stopping by!!

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