Home & Family, Parenting Tips

Bob Kelly’s Guide to Parenthood

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Funny tips for parents from comedian Bob Kelly blog post title image.

Laughter is a huge part of my life. One of my favorite quotes is “Always find a reason to laugh. It may not add years to your life but it will surely add life to your years.” Laughter has gotten me through the rough years of parenthood. I’m so thankful for funny podcasts during the years of juggling a toddler and a newborn.

One of my favorite bits is comedian Bob Kelly’s advice on how to prepare for having a baby. It’s honest, practical, and hilarious.

Funny Tips for New Parents

1. “Go Hang out with Navy Seals.”

I would never liken myself to a Navy Seal, BUT there are some aspects of raising a newborn that relate to Seal training. One, you learn how to live without sleep. For years on end with no sign of relief in sight.

Two, they know what it is like to be ravenously hungry. Burning all those calories make you HUNGRY, but you can’t always take a break when you want and just grab a bite to eat. If no one else is home and you are trapped under the baby you just got to sleep, you don’t risk waking them up just so you can get a bite to eat. No, no, no! You suck it up and feel those hunger pains until you can get some food.

2. “Spit on all your shirts.”

Spitting up on all your shirts not only prepares you for the amount of baby vomit and spit-up you will experience in the coming years, it also prepares you for toddlerhood when children feel the need to use you a Kleenex.

3. “Get used the smell of shit.”

Oh my gosh so much poop: meconium, breastfed poop, formula fed poop, solid food, diarrhea, constipation. For the next 18 years, you will talk more about poop than you ever thought possible.

4. “Take everything you care about and throw it in the mud.”

Luckily your child doesn’t start destroying your house on the first day. I shutter at that very thought. But eventually everything you know and love in your house will fall victim to the little person walking around your house. If they aren’t picking it up and putting it their mouth, they are dropping it on the floor. They are taking everything out of the cupboards or unraveling the toilet paper. And remember, they always find the most trouble when you are showering, on the toilet, or deathly sick.

5. “Take a brick and throw it at your flat screen. So you know the feeling.”

Much like destroying your belongings, think of the most expensive, pain-in-the-ass thing to replace in your house and visual it being smashed, broken, crushed, or flushed. Then the day it is broken you won’t feel so devastated.

Having a child is the most blessed thing that can happen to a couple. The love you feel from and for your kid is like nothing in this world. BUT it is a challenge. The days can be a blur of broken toys and dirty diapers. You have to have laughter in your life. If nothing else, to keep you from crying 😉

Becoming a first time parent is exciting and a little bit scary! Calm your nerves with these five funny tips for new parents from comedian Bobby Kelly. Number 5 will have you cracking up!

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